Dear Clarence:

I hope this letter finds you in good health. How’s school & work? By the end of this week, you should only have 2 weeks left for your Undergraduate Degree (smile); that’s really Terrific! Anyway, I couldn’t wait until your letters arrive so I’m sending my second letter with a little about me in it. I hope this will shed some light on my inner self & at the same time, help you to understand me a little better.

 

I was born 36 years ago in the Bronx at 1061 Boston Post Road; I really don’t want to remember this because at that particular time, it was very traumatic for me.  My father, who I thought was my father turned out to be my step-father, who I grew to really hate even until this day. Being a toddler at that time of my life was very frightful; because of how my step-father treated me. I remember how he would fight my mother and other times how he use to beat me.  I couldn’t have been no more than 2 or 3 years of age when my step-father beat me with a HORSE WHIP because I tried telling my mother that he’d raped me.

I remember him telling me that if I said anything to my mother; that he’d beat me with that horse whip. Back then Clarence, I didn’t know what rape was; but all I knew was that what this man was doing to me was not right. Anyway as I tried to tell my mother, my step-father yell at my mother that he didn’t do anything to me except play with me.

I remember when he said that to her; she began to cry and when she did that, he got real mad and went for that horse whip.  No matter where I tried to run my step-father swung that whip and it caught me like lightening. A few times when I was getting whipped, I would try to pretend I was dead.

The more he would beat me with that horsewhip, the more I would lie there on the floor very still and just take the stinging sharp pains of that whip. To this day I still have that scar but it has gotten a lot smaller now as I have grown.  Anyway I’m not sure when it happened but my step-father left my mother.  She was very upset; I’m not sure of why she gave me up except that maybe I was the cause of her losing my step-father; I guess I’ll never know…

Well moving on I came to my foster mother, Mrs. Mary Eubanks.  She had a beautiful house in Mt. Vernon, New York; as a matter of fact the house is still standing (smile).  My foster mother treated me like I was her own daughter and she loved me very much.  She instilled in me understanding and the knowledge of being able to stand on my own two feet.  My foster mother had 5 other children who she cared for. We all were a family that prayed and stayed together.  I remember when my foster sisters and brothers got older; their parents came and got them.  My mother was said but she still never gave up hope that they would come back; in the mean time I diverted her attention by getting good grades in school and studying real hard.

 

I don’t think I ever saw my mother cry until she found out from our family doctor, that I was pregnant.  But Clarence, my mother never got mad at me for this; but I knew I’d hurt her; but after my son was born she fell in love with him as if he was her own grandchild (smile). I was blessed to have had her in my life and she did live long enough to see my son become 4 months old.  After my foster mother died, I thought that was the end of the world; because a part of me had died with her.  But you know something Clarence?  It wasn’t the end of the world.  Because then I began realizing that even thought she’d gone on, I knew she would always be with me.

(Smile).  Back in 1980-81 I came back to Yonkers and I looked up my biological mother and sisters.  I got to know my mother again although I really loved my foster mother more.  But I did try to understand why my mother gave me up, I can’t say I agree with the way she did it; but only why she did it. My sisters and I we’re not really that close. To this day the only time my twin sister call is when she wants something. As I spoke with you on the phone, my sisters are all bigger than me; estimate weight between 200-300 lbs and that is no joke.

  

Sometimes my sisters all seem so immature (smile) I feel like I’m the older child, when in actuality I’m the youngest. My brother Gordon Williams, he was smart, (smile) he moved to San Diego, California. I really don’t remember too much about him because I haven’t seen him in a very long time. I never knew my real father except that he was born in the Virgin Islands, my grandmother, I saw once.  What I remember is that she was a very beautiful woman who thought very highly of me.  She told me I looked like my father and that she was going to write to him and tell him about me.  Unfortunately I never seen her again; so therefore I can’t say if she ever wrote to my father or not.

Anyway moving on to the present, as I said before I have a beautiful son who I Thank God for every day of my life.  He’s very active in school and with sports. He’s in the United States Junior Marine Corp. R.O.T.C., Varsity Football (He plays everything except throw the ball & run with the ball & Kick it) (Smile). He plays the Piano, dance, etc., etc.  But most of all he loves his mother and he respects me and I couldn’t ask for a better son than that.  He’s in the 12th grade now and I know by this time next year he’ll probably go away to college; but Clarence he makes me very proud to be his mother.

Well Clarence, This is just some of my Life History, some good and some bad and some I left out because it hurts too much. I pray that this will help you to understand me a little better & I hope that this has not changed your mind about wanting a long term friend, companion, lover & wife.  Clarence, you once asked me “What I wanted in a man, or what my idea of a man was?”

This much I can tell you, you could have all the money in the world but if you don’t have the love, understanding, integrity, honesty, compassion or patience, than you truly won’t be able to handle me. I could care less about any man that has money; because it doesn’t mean a thing to me.  When I fall in love, it will be for what you as a man of God have on the inside.  (True you said it was physical attraction), but I like to go beyond that physical attraction & go to the core of your inner most being, & that is your spirit. That is what I look for in a man.

Once that is achieved than I look for other characteristics that I want in a man; which include; being smart, charismatic, witty, (I love distinguished older men!) But most of all he has to be a “one Woman Man” & he has to love me for who I am & not take me for granted. Other than that, this is my specification of what I want in a man. Oh Yes! I forgot I love a man who’s very passionate & don’t mind holding hands or playing footsies under the table. I don’t want to say any more until I see what your questions are in your letter; but this is just a sample of what is yet to come.

Anyway Clarence, I would love to write more; but I think I better send this off to you before I think of something else (smile). I want to thank you again regarding Washington, D.C. I am looking forward to seeing you again; but most of all I am hoping this will be it for you and I with regards to the present, future and beyond the horizon.  So until I hear from you either through phone call or letter, I’m signing off as:

Your Sleepless In New York

              (Smile)

                  B